Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
