textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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