I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
