The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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