Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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