if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
