Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
