First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
