How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
