physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
