I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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