You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
