I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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