Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
