I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
