I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
