1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
