think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
