I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
