I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
