omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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