I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
