college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
