Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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