Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
