There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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