The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
