Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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