tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
