my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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