dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize