She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
