come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
