I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
