When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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