addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
