i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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