seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
