I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize