i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize