We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
