She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
