You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
