ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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