i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
