my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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