Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
