if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize