DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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