Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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