hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
