Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
