i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
