I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
