U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize