also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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