that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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