So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
