her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You've changed since you got that strap on
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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