Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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