we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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