I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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