Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize