If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize