There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
