he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize