Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
