Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
