Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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