ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
