I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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