someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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