She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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