I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
