some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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