your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
