Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
