I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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