she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
