how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
