coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
