We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
