The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
