who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
