if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Terrible idea I love it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
