After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize