remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
