she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so let's talk penis.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
