He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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