It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
